Monday, August 07, 2006
Congrats to my mom!
As I've written before on this blog, my mother has been working on losing weight since being diagnosed with Type II diabetes in early April. Her first goal was to lose twenty pounds. I'm proud to announce that as of today, she has lost exactly twenty pounds since her diagnosis. Hooray, Mom!
I am fatter than Carnie Wilson
I watched the premiere of "Celebrity Fit Club 4" last night and realized during the show that I am fatter than Carnie Wilson. Now, of course, Carnie is nowhere near what she was before her gastric bypass surgery years ago -- she's starting the show at 188 and they said her low after the surgery was 145. She was over 300 when she had the surgery. But still, given how much Carnie Wilson is associated with overweight people, (I feel for you on that Carnie), the fact that I am only an inch and a half taller than her but nearly 20 pounds heavier than her is a sobering thought.
I'm going to be interested in watching her progress on Celebrity Fit Club -- some celebrities like Tina Yothers were eager to lose more than the show had targeted for them. Carnie acted more like I expected a veteran of failed diets would -- she thought the target was great, but she didn't promise to lose any more than that -- she already knows how hard it's going to be.
I'm going to be interested in watching her progress on Celebrity Fit Club -- some celebrities like Tina Yothers were eager to lose more than the show had targeted for them. Carnie acted more like I expected a veteran of failed diets would -- she thought the target was great, but she didn't promise to lose any more than that -- she already knows how hard it's going to be.
Malaise
I've been in a malaise the past few days. Part of cause is my being sick right now (cold symptoms). But the other part of the cause is my weight and how that makes me feel about myself. Two weeks ago I hit a new lifetime high of 207.2 pounds. It came after eating some pizza. I've been up and down since then, but today I'm still 206.0 lbs. Ugh. I just can't seem to get going. But I know I need to do something soon. I'm feeling unhealthy, though I cannot identify any particular ailment. I'm looking pretty bad in some recent pictures. Fewer and fewer of my clothes are fitting me, particularly with the high-90s weather we've had the past two weeks.
But I don't know what to do. I still have a bunch of uneaten Jenny Craig meals and feel like I should eat those according to some plan, but I can't bring myself to do that. A few weeks ago I mulled over the possibility of one of those very-low calorie HMR plans but don't know if I can give up real food for that long, particular the social angle of real food -- I still want to able to go to dinner or lunch with someone. Low-carb diets like South Beach seem to require cooking, which I don't always have time to do.
I just don't know.
But I don't know what to do. I still have a bunch of uneaten Jenny Craig meals and feel like I should eat those according to some plan, but I can't bring myself to do that. A few weeks ago I mulled over the possibility of one of those very-low calorie HMR plans but don't know if I can give up real food for that long, particular the social angle of real food -- I still want to able to go to dinner or lunch with someone. Low-carb diets like South Beach seem to require cooking, which I don't always have time to do.
I just don't know.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
What the Heck Am I Doing?
Today my weight is 205.8 pounds on my bathroom scale. This is my lifetime high – I was also at this weight 13 days ago. My BMI is at 34.8, the tip top of “Class I” obese. Yet I’m still sitting here craving food – I am even considering pizza, which is crazy because that would send my weight even higher, yet part of me doesn’t care. And yet I do care. I hated the way I looked in a picture a friend took of me last week. But more importantly, I don’t feel healthy. I don’t feel ill or sick, but I don’t feel healthy. I can tell that I’m out of shape when I walk up stairs, etc.
I’ve been feeling down about my weight this week, and on some days this week I did well eating-wise, but then my eating and drinking this weekend has erased all of that. And then yesterday, my mom send me what she titled a “Mom Worry Email”. As I’ve noted earlier, she has been really working on her weight after being diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. She has done well and I’m proud of her. Understandably, she has been worried about my weight:
I weighed 197 this morning. This is not as low as my brief 196 and a fourth, but it is thirteen and a half pounds less than what I weighed on my birthday ... and about 15 pounds less than I weighed on your birthday. This goes slowly, but it does go, and I think if were more disciplined about exercise (my aching muscles discourage me I have to say) then I think it would go a little faster. What is worrying me most, however, is your weight. I am worried that you may weigh more than you did on your birthday - perhaps even more than I weigh now [I have not told my mom what I weigh, in part because I knew she would panic] - and I am three inches taller and a much bigger framed person overall.
(1) I would urge you to weigh faithfully. If your scales are not accurate - come over and use mine, and no one will look. Or buy your own set of balance beam scales. You have room in one of the baths, I would think. Facing reality is the first step towards making important changes.
(2) Make no mistake - the kind of weight you are now carrying will kill you - or perhaps worse, make your life physically miserable long before it kills you. I am not trying to scare you - well maybe I am - but I did not move into similar numbers until my fifties - and perhaps given my height - I have never been in numbers similar to yours (given your short stature/frame.) Well - I once did hit 221 ... the year after [my grandmother] went "down" and [my dad] was so ill and you divorced and the terrorists attacked. I think that was stress weight - and I fairly quickly came back down to the 210 - 212 range. Still, keep in mind that I am 5'7" tall and have huge feet and hands. I'm a big woman. This is way too much weight for me, but it is not the same ratio as for you at 5'4". The point though is this - As the doctor in choir said to his daughter - you are too young to carry this much weight.
(3) With things a little more slack at work, perhaps now is the time to seriously think about what you can do. I continue to worry that there is some physiological reason you gain so rapidly. Have you considered consulting an endocrinologist? There is little that you have not tried - and I heard the discouragement in your voice when you rattled off the different diets and different years to [my sister] the other night. You got a bum deal in the weight dept. of life (but an overdose of brains and personality and overall common sense so I guess one has to take what one is given and make the best of it.)
Personally I think you will have to do something different - something more "drastic." - to lose weight again, though perhaps I am wrong. You have succeeded with Jenny Craig and regular exercise in the past and might be able to do so again. I have wondered about HMR - Dr. Anderson's deal at UK. It would be expensive, but it might give you an "in" with their endocrinology department, and also give you the kind of one on one professional support you are going to need to get this weight off. From what I read online, they emphasize long term counseling. I possibly could do this with you depending on the cost - and depending on their advice for diabetics. I really need to get down to about 160 - 165 for health reasons.
I have also wondered about psychological counseling - if you have issues with overeating that I am unaware of. I do not see you eat enough - you eat wisely when we are together - to gain the way you do, but when I suggest a physical problem re: weight gain, you seem to indicate that you think you know why you are gaining -= that you are indeed overeating. Only you can answer that question. But you should not keep gaining weight on grilled salmon salads for dinner and turkey chef salads at lunch, etc. So be honest with yourself about what you are eating/drinking/doing.
(4) Keep in mind that my concern is that you reach a healthy weight. I am not bugging you about being model thin - a size 4 or whatever. This is not about looks - though you are a beautiful woman, your beauty a natural asset that could be helpful to you professionally, socially and emotionally - but about good health and living out your natural lifetime. It would be so much easier/better to discipline yourself now than to wait until you have a stroke or heart attack or develop diabetes or serious muscular skeletal issues. Then - there can never be a treat - a lapse - a vacation - or a sense of physical well-being.
(5) Of course, I worry that alcohol consumption may play a role in your weight issues. Only you know if that is true. Alcohol abuse is - well, abuse - and just as silly and unnecessary as any other drug abuse. It is not cool or smart and will not make you more popular. Right now, it is the "new" smoking ... but the smokers of my generation mostly ended up with cancer. So how cool is cancer? Hard to be popular when you're dead. Excessive, ongoing drinking will lead to both emotional and physical problems for your generation - for those not wise enough to recognize the risks. It seems less innocuous than illegal drugs - and I guess maybe it is - but it is NOT innocuous. I'm not talking about the occasional glass of wine or drink - but the day after day, week after week, of steady drinking that - if one is honest - is more than the standard definition of "a serving." Granted - others may be able to drink like fish and gain no weight - or even seem to avoid an addiction problem. But women, I've read over and over, are more impacted physically by alcohol than men - it causes more damage to their liver and increases their risk of breast cancer a lot - and are also more likely to get addicted. ... It is good that you do not drink alone. But if you abuse alcohol in groups - you are still abusing - drinking too much.
Well, I just love you so much. And I worry. I worry about you. Because I love you so much. Mom
I thought about editing some of this, but then I thought that would be dishonest. Mom touches on a number of themes that have recurred throughout my battles with my weight: the fact that I’ve tried a number of different diet programs, my frustration when I regain the weight, and my tendency to do most of my overeating in private. The latter has made my mom wonder if I have a physical ailment, but I’m not really sure that I do – my thyroid has been tested during weight gain before, and that’s normal.
As for the alcohol, she is right that the drinking I do does not aid my weight loss. I’ve noticed in particular lately that beer is worse for my weight than wine, even when I drink light beer. However, if I have too much wine, I will start eating to sober myself up.
Do I abuse alcohol? I have never thought so, but I should examine it. I do my drinking is social situations, which used to be only on weekends, but I do more drink more at social occasions during the week now. So I don’t know. . . I should say, however, that my mom does not drink at all, and wish I wouldn’t drink at all, either.
So where to go from here? I’ve resisted doing something as drastic as a medically supervised liquid diet, but going back to Jenny Craig food fills me dread – I don’t mean to insult the food itself – most of it is pretty good, but I burned out on it and have not gotten over it. Yet, I don’t have much time to cook. I don’t know what I can do, but I’ve got to find something.
I’ve been feeling down about my weight this week, and on some days this week I did well eating-wise, but then my eating and drinking this weekend has erased all of that. And then yesterday, my mom send me what she titled a “Mom Worry Email”. As I’ve noted earlier, she has been really working on her weight after being diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. She has done well and I’m proud of her. Understandably, she has been worried about my weight:
I weighed 197 this morning. This is not as low as my brief 196 and a fourth, but it is thirteen and a half pounds less than what I weighed on my birthday ... and about 15 pounds less than I weighed on your birthday. This goes slowly, but it does go, and I think if were more disciplined about exercise (my aching muscles discourage me I have to say) then I think it would go a little faster. What is worrying me most, however, is your weight. I am worried that you may weigh more than you did on your birthday - perhaps even more than I weigh now [I have not told my mom what I weigh, in part because I knew she would panic] - and I am three inches taller and a much bigger framed person overall.
(1) I would urge you to weigh faithfully. If your scales are not accurate - come over and use mine, and no one will look. Or buy your own set of balance beam scales. You have room in one of the baths, I would think. Facing reality is the first step towards making important changes.
(2) Make no mistake - the kind of weight you are now carrying will kill you - or perhaps worse, make your life physically miserable long before it kills you. I am not trying to scare you - well maybe I am - but I did not move into similar numbers until my fifties - and perhaps given my height - I have never been in numbers similar to yours (given your short stature/frame.) Well - I once did hit 221 ... the year after [my grandmother] went "down" and [my dad] was so ill and you divorced and the terrorists attacked. I think that was stress weight - and I fairly quickly came back down to the 210 - 212 range. Still, keep in mind that I am 5'7" tall and have huge feet and hands. I'm a big woman. This is way too much weight for me, but it is not the same ratio as for you at 5'4". The point though is this - As the doctor in choir said to his daughter - you are too young to carry this much weight.
(3) With things a little more slack at work, perhaps now is the time to seriously think about what you can do. I continue to worry that there is some physiological reason you gain so rapidly. Have you considered consulting an endocrinologist? There is little that you have not tried - and I heard the discouragement in your voice when you rattled off the different diets and different years to [my sister] the other night. You got a bum deal in the weight dept. of life (but an overdose of brains and personality and overall common sense so I guess one has to take what one is given and make the best of it.)
Personally I think you will have to do something different - something more "drastic." - to lose weight again, though perhaps I am wrong. You have succeeded with Jenny Craig and regular exercise in the past and might be able to do so again. I have wondered about HMR - Dr. Anderson's deal at UK. It would be expensive, but it might give you an "in" with their endocrinology department, and also give you the kind of one on one professional support you are going to need to get this weight off. From what I read online, they emphasize long term counseling. I possibly could do this with you depending on the cost - and depending on their advice for diabetics. I really need to get down to about 160 - 165 for health reasons.
I have also wondered about psychological counseling - if you have issues with overeating that I am unaware of. I do not see you eat enough - you eat wisely when we are together - to gain the way you do, but when I suggest a physical problem re: weight gain, you seem to indicate that you think you know why you are gaining -= that you are indeed overeating. Only you can answer that question. But you should not keep gaining weight on grilled salmon salads for dinner and turkey chef salads at lunch, etc. So be honest with yourself about what you are eating/drinking/doing.
(4) Keep in mind that my concern is that you reach a healthy weight. I am not bugging you about being model thin - a size 4 or whatever. This is not about looks - though you are a beautiful woman, your beauty a natural asset that could be helpful to you professionally, socially and emotionally - but about good health and living out your natural lifetime. It would be so much easier/better to discipline yourself now than to wait until you have a stroke or heart attack or develop diabetes or serious muscular skeletal issues. Then - there can never be a treat - a lapse - a vacation - or a sense of physical well-being.
(5) Of course, I worry that alcohol consumption may play a role in your weight issues. Only you know if that is true. Alcohol abuse is - well, abuse - and just as silly and unnecessary as any other drug abuse. It is not cool or smart and will not make you more popular. Right now, it is the "new" smoking ... but the smokers of my generation mostly ended up with cancer. So how cool is cancer? Hard to be popular when you're dead. Excessive, ongoing drinking will lead to both emotional and physical problems for your generation - for those not wise enough to recognize the risks. It seems less innocuous than illegal drugs - and I guess maybe it is - but it is NOT innocuous. I'm not talking about the occasional glass of wine or drink - but the day after day, week after week, of steady drinking that - if one is honest - is more than the standard definition of "a serving." Granted - others may be able to drink like fish and gain no weight - or even seem to avoid an addiction problem. But women, I've read over and over, are more impacted physically by alcohol than men - it causes more damage to their liver and increases their risk of breast cancer a lot - and are also more likely to get addicted. ... It is good that you do not drink alone. But if you abuse alcohol in groups - you are still abusing - drinking too much.
Well, I just love you so much. And I worry. I worry about you. Because I love you so much. Mom
I thought about editing some of this, but then I thought that would be dishonest. Mom touches on a number of themes that have recurred throughout my battles with my weight: the fact that I’ve tried a number of different diet programs, my frustration when I regain the weight, and my tendency to do most of my overeating in private. The latter has made my mom wonder if I have a physical ailment, but I’m not really sure that I do – my thyroid has been tested during weight gain before, and that’s normal.
As for the alcohol, she is right that the drinking I do does not aid my weight loss. I’ve noticed in particular lately that beer is worse for my weight than wine, even when I drink light beer. However, if I have too much wine, I will start eating to sober myself up.
Do I abuse alcohol? I have never thought so, but I should examine it. I do my drinking is social situations, which used to be only on weekends, but I do more drink more at social occasions during the week now. So I don’t know. . . I should say, however, that my mom does not drink at all, and wish I wouldn’t drink at all, either.
So where to go from here? I’ve resisted doing something as drastic as a medically supervised liquid diet, but going back to Jenny Craig food fills me dread – I don’t mean to insult the food itself – most of it is pretty good, but I burned out on it and have not gotten over it. Yet, I don’t have much time to cook. I don’t know what I can do, but I’ve got to find something.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
The stakes are now higher
Hi, y'all. It's been two months since I last wrote. I have not made a lot of progress. I hit a new high on April 3rd -- 205.4 lbs. But on April 25th I hit a low for 2006 of 198.0 lbs. - and that was after returning home from a friend's wedding weekend. Today, however, I'm back up to 201.6 lbs. This weekend I've been engaged in a lot of self-reflection to figure out the best way for me to lose weight.
I have a few things driving this self-reflection:
-- seeing recent pictures of me in which my face looks pretty fat;
-- seeing a picture of me thirty pounds thinner from December 2004 in which my face looks fabulous;
-- lately my feet seem to ache more after wearing high heels than I'm used to (this may not be entirely related to my weight, but I'm sure losing weight would help -- I do not want to give up my heels);
-- noticing lately how many men prefer talking to my thin coworkers/friends than me when we are out and about; and
-- some frustration with my lovelife.
But the most important factor driving me right now is this: Last month my mother, who only weighs about ten more pounds than I do, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. We've known intellectually that this could happen, but were both shocked when it actually did.
Mom immediately got on track with a diet plan for Type 2 diabetes and walking for daily exercise. She's been struggling a little with the walking, but she has lost almost ten pounds, and her blood sugar is down from 138 to 109.
In fact, she might weigh a smidgen less than I do -- the first time that has ever happened in my life. I haven't told her that, though, because she is worried enough about my weight as it is. But now she can nag me about without feeling guilty or me getting irked at her.
I should be panicked and on a strict diet. But I'm not. I still haven't really gotten my arms around it yet.
Now I'm depressed. I'll write more later (hopefully). In the meantime, here are the numbers:
Weight: 201.6 lbs
BMI: 34.1 (Obese)
Total loss since 4/3/06 peak: -3.8 lbs.
I have a few things driving this self-reflection:
-- seeing recent pictures of me in which my face looks pretty fat;
-- seeing a picture of me thirty pounds thinner from December 2004 in which my face looks fabulous;
-- lately my feet seem to ache more after wearing high heels than I'm used to (this may not be entirely related to my weight, but I'm sure losing weight would help -- I do not want to give up my heels);
-- noticing lately how many men prefer talking to my thin coworkers/friends than me when we are out and about; and
-- some frustration with my lovelife.
But the most important factor driving me right now is this: Last month my mother, who only weighs about ten more pounds than I do, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. We've known intellectually that this could happen, but were both shocked when it actually did.
Mom immediately got on track with a diet plan for Type 2 diabetes and walking for daily exercise. She's been struggling a little with the walking, but she has lost almost ten pounds, and her blood sugar is down from 138 to 109.
In fact, she might weigh a smidgen less than I do -- the first time that has ever happened in my life. I haven't told her that, though, because she is worried enough about my weight as it is. But now she can nag me about without feeling guilty or me getting irked at her.
I should be panicked and on a strict diet. But I'm not. I still haven't really gotten my arms around it yet.
Now I'm depressed. I'll write more later (hopefully). In the meantime, here are the numbers:
Weight: 201.6 lbs
BMI: 34.1 (Obese)
Total loss since 4/3/06 peak: -3.8 lbs.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Happy Birthday to me.
I am 34 years old today. I began my 35th year on earth on the right foot this morning -- I was down 2.2 lbs. I don't know what the scale will look like tomorrow, however -- it's been a very food-filled birthday. I started the day by eating some of the giant cookie my friend EB got me this weekend -- I have not yet eaten my name, however, because I like the way it looks. Then, at work, my secretary at work surprised me with a potluck luncheon -- her husband cooked some ham, and other coworkers brought in a lot of good food. I was touched by the effort she and everyone else to -- I'm not used to having people other than my parents make such a fuss over me.
I didn't really need any more food, but my parents and I had already planned a dinner at the local Indian restaurant, which I had really been looking forward to. We had a really nice time, and my lamb rogan josh was excellent.
I had a great birthday overall -- I had fun driving my car to and from work -- I love the way it rides so smoothly. I received email greetings and phone calls from close friends and family. And it was sunny -- not necessarily warm, but sunny. Now I'm tired and need to go to bed. It's been a good day indeed, and not because it was fattening.
I didn't really need any more food, but my parents and I had already planned a dinner at the local Indian restaurant, which I had really been looking forward to. We had a really nice time, and my lamb rogan josh was excellent.
I had a great birthday overall -- I had fun driving my car to and from work -- I love the way it rides so smoothly. I received email greetings and phone calls from close friends and family. And it was sunny -- not necessarily warm, but sunny. Now I'm tired and need to go to bed. It's been a good day indeed, and not because it was fattening.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Birthday Eve -- Back Again
Hello -- I'm back after a long absence. My computer hard drive crashed in mid-January -- I got the computer back up and running in a couple of days, but I never got back to this blog. I lost a few days of weigh-ins with the crash, but I've been faithfully weighing every day. Unfortunately, I haven't made a lot of progress overall -- today, on the eve of my 34th birthday, I've matched my lifetime high (set back in mid-January) of 205.2 pounds. Today's weight was a result of a big one-day jump that I think resulted in part from a lot of salt I had yesterday. But I've only dipped below 200 a few times in the past two months. I've exercised a little, but not enough to make a difference.
Don't worry, though, I'm not going to let the weight put a damper on my birthday -- I started celebrating early this weekend by buying a new car! I got a nice car I've had my eye on since last fall, but I was waiting for a red one to come in. Even after I saw the red one appear on the lot last month, I waited a couple of weeks before I test drove. Then I waited two more weeks before I bought it. Tomorrow, my birthday, I get to drive it to work for the first time -- I'm not interested in showing it off, I just want to enjoy the car on my forty mile commute.
Maybe I can also let my excitement over the car help me get to the gym more often. I would like to walk more often. After my computer crashed I had to rebuild my iPod, but now it's better than before, so I should have everything I need to walk, whether it be at the gym or outside as it gets warmer.
Meanwhile, I will probably have more food than I need tomorrow, but after that, I've got to be more methodical about my diet. I'm going to be 34 tomorrow, and I have no more time to spend being fat -- I've got to get serious about my health, and my personal appearance.
Today's numbers:
Age: 33 years and 364 days.
Weight: 205.2 lbs. (Equals Lifetime High)
BMI: 34.7 (Obese)
Don't worry, though, I'm not going to let the weight put a damper on my birthday -- I started celebrating early this weekend by buying a new car! I got a nice car I've had my eye on since last fall, but I was waiting for a red one to come in. Even after I saw the red one appear on the lot last month, I waited a couple of weeks before I test drove. Then I waited two more weeks before I bought it. Tomorrow, my birthday, I get to drive it to work for the first time -- I'm not interested in showing it off, I just want to enjoy the car on my forty mile commute.
Maybe I can also let my excitement over the car help me get to the gym more often. I would like to walk more often. After my computer crashed I had to rebuild my iPod, but now it's better than before, so I should have everything I need to walk, whether it be at the gym or outside as it gets warmer.
Meanwhile, I will probably have more food than I need tomorrow, but after that, I've got to be more methodical about my diet. I'm going to be 34 tomorrow, and I have no more time to spend being fat -- I've got to get serious about my health, and my personal appearance.
Today's numbers:
Age: 33 years and 364 days.
Weight: 205.2 lbs. (Equals Lifetime High)
BMI: 34.7 (Obese)
Saturday, January 07, 2006
A week of highs and lows (literally and figuratively)
I had to hit the ground running when I returned to work this week, resulting in a lot of late evenings and no time for blogging. However, I weighed myself everyday, and I got to the gym one evening this week after work, which is better than I've done the past few months.
Tuesday morning I got on the scale and was horrified to find that I weighed 205 pounds, a new lifetime high. I was very surprised based on what I ate on Monday, but I think it was the whole weekend rather than just one day catching up with me. I can't remember what I ate the rest of the day Tuesday -- it wasn't too much, but I didn't starve myself, either.
Wednesday morning I was glad to be down to 202.8. Much better. I was really hungry when I left work late (around 8pm or later), and I quickly thought of what I could eat during the 30 minute drive home that wouldn't be "too bad". I settled on an Arby's roast beef sandwich. I had hoped to get to the gym this night, but my friend DW called when I got back to Lexington and wanted to chat. He was hungry, so we went to Don Pablos. I had some chips and a little of what he had, but I did not get my own meal. I did have a margarita, though.
Thursday morning I held at 202.8. That night I went to a "wild game" dinner connected with work -- lots of lean protein. After the dinner, I finally got to go to the gym, where I walked 2 miles (8 laps) on the indoor walking track. I was dragging after a long day, but I went ahead and got on a Precor elliptical machine, and I really enjoyed that with my iPod, so I'm hoping to do that more often on late weeknights. (I'm already assuming the Precors will be in hot demand on weekends.)
Friday morning I was down to 201.8. Yea! I "broke down" on the way to work and got two Hardees sausage egg biscuits, but I did not have any lunch. I went out in the evening with EB and ate a chicken quesadilla and drank some beer. Not a great diet evening.
Today, I held at 201.8. I overslept my Jenny Craig appointment, though, and I really haven't had a good food day. I also did not get to the gym, but I'm hoping to go tomorrow.
So here's the new numbers:
Current weight: 201.8 lbs.
Total Loss from 1/3/06 Peak: -3.2 lbs.
Tuesday morning I got on the scale and was horrified to find that I weighed 205 pounds, a new lifetime high. I was very surprised based on what I ate on Monday, but I think it was the whole weekend rather than just one day catching up with me. I can't remember what I ate the rest of the day Tuesday -- it wasn't too much, but I didn't starve myself, either.
Wednesday morning I was glad to be down to 202.8. Much better. I was really hungry when I left work late (around 8pm or later), and I quickly thought of what I could eat during the 30 minute drive home that wouldn't be "too bad". I settled on an Arby's roast beef sandwich. I had hoped to get to the gym this night, but my friend DW called when I got back to Lexington and wanted to chat. He was hungry, so we went to Don Pablos. I had some chips and a little of what he had, but I did not get my own meal. I did have a margarita, though.
Thursday morning I held at 202.8. That night I went to a "wild game" dinner connected with work -- lots of lean protein. After the dinner, I finally got to go to the gym, where I walked 2 miles (8 laps) on the indoor walking track. I was dragging after a long day, but I went ahead and got on a Precor elliptical machine, and I really enjoyed that with my iPod, so I'm hoping to do that more often on late weeknights. (I'm already assuming the Precors will be in hot demand on weekends.)
Friday morning I was down to 201.8. Yea! I "broke down" on the way to work and got two Hardees sausage egg biscuits, but I did not have any lunch. I went out in the evening with EB and ate a chicken quesadilla and drank some beer. Not a great diet evening.
Today, I held at 201.8. I overslept my Jenny Craig appointment, though, and I really haven't had a good food day. I also did not get to the gym, but I'm hoping to go tomorrow.
So here's the new numbers:
Current weight: 201.8 lbs.
Total Loss from 1/3/06 Peak: -3.2 lbs.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Today's numbers
Well, I'm making more progress on the fitness front than the weight/diet front. I gained 0.2 lbs. today, for a total of 202.6 lbs. and a total loss of only 1.0 lb. from my (known) lifetime peak.
Progress on the walking goal
I went to my nearby Gold's Gym today and did eight laps on their indoor track for a total of one mile. Then I did 30 minutes plus cooldown on the treadmill for a total of 1.79 miles. So I walked 2.79 miles total today!
I'm trying to make the return to Gold's Gym this winter after a long absence. I had not been to Gold's in over a year, and I had never stepped foot in the year-old new facility nearest me until last week, but I had maintained my membership there because I wanted to return easily. I like the new Gold's better than any of the others I've been to before. The others were old department store or supermarket buildings converted into a gym -- this one is a brand-new building. I really like the walking track -- that was the primary thing that attracted me to coming back this time. I really enjoyed walking outside during the late summer and fall while listening to my iPod, and am using the indoor track to continue that into the winter. The treadmill, though, will help me walk consistently faster than I might on the track, so I'm trying to do both.
I've only been twice so far, but I think the new facility, due in part to its newness and location, attracts a wider range of ages and fitness levels than I've seen at other Gold's Gyms. The old Lexington one I went to seemed dominated by college students and slightly older adults that were already in much better shape than me. The one I used to go to in Arlington, VA, five years ago seemed to be nothing but young, fit professionals. I frequently felt like the only out-of-shape person of my age in the room. And I imagined that these people were more disciplined than me in every other aspect of life, too. I'm sure they weren't, but I was really being hard on myself back then. It was not a good time.
Now, however, I'm more secure about myself in general, so I'm not wondering what the other people at the gym think of me. So maybe that's the real reason it feels less intimidating to me.
My next goal is to see if I can get to the gym after work on weeknights. This is the other reason I'm returning to Gold's -- it's open late. I tried Curves back in the summer, and I felt much more comfortable with their strength training equipment than the way-to-many choices at Golds. But Curves' hours just don't suit my current job -- they seem to be designed for people who don't work outside the home or who work very set "9 to 5" hours. No job I've had has ever been like that, but the one I have is certainly not -- I start too early to do Curves in the morning and frequently work too late to do Curves at night. And I can't do a scheduled lunch workout, either. So I have to find another alternative. Gold's should also suit me better than Curves for a while because my plan is to concentrate primarily on cardio first to jumpstart weight loss, then see if I want to add strength training later.
I'll let you know how things go.
I'm trying to make the return to Gold's Gym this winter after a long absence. I had not been to Gold's in over a year, and I had never stepped foot in the year-old new facility nearest me until last week, but I had maintained my membership there because I wanted to return easily. I like the new Gold's better than any of the others I've been to before. The others were old department store or supermarket buildings converted into a gym -- this one is a brand-new building. I really like the walking track -- that was the primary thing that attracted me to coming back this time. I really enjoyed walking outside during the late summer and fall while listening to my iPod, and am using the indoor track to continue that into the winter. The treadmill, though, will help me walk consistently faster than I might on the track, so I'm trying to do both.
I've only been twice so far, but I think the new facility, due in part to its newness and location, attracts a wider range of ages and fitness levels than I've seen at other Gold's Gyms. The old Lexington one I went to seemed dominated by college students and slightly older adults that were already in much better shape than me. The one I used to go to in Arlington, VA, five years ago seemed to be nothing but young, fit professionals. I frequently felt like the only out-of-shape person of my age in the room. And I imagined that these people were more disciplined than me in every other aspect of life, too. I'm sure they weren't, but I was really being hard on myself back then. It was not a good time.
Now, however, I'm more secure about myself in general, so I'm not wondering what the other people at the gym think of me. So maybe that's the real reason it feels less intimidating to me.
My next goal is to see if I can get to the gym after work on weeknights. This is the other reason I'm returning to Gold's -- it's open late. I tried Curves back in the summer, and I felt much more comfortable with their strength training equipment than the way-to-many choices at Golds. But Curves' hours just don't suit my current job -- they seem to be designed for people who don't work outside the home or who work very set "9 to 5" hours. No job I've had has ever been like that, but the one I have is certainly not -- I start too early to do Curves in the morning and frequently work too late to do Curves at night. And I can't do a scheduled lunch workout, either. So I have to find another alternative. Gold's should also suit me better than Curves for a while because my plan is to concentrate primarily on cardio first to jumpstart weight loss, then see if I want to add strength training later.
I'll let you know how things go.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
1/1/2006: The Hard Numbers
For purposes of going forward, I've got to be honest about the numbers:
Weight on 1/1/2006: 202.4 lbs.
Lifetime Peak (confirmed): 203.6 lbs.
Total Loss from Peak: -1.2 lbs.
Height: 5' 4.5"
BMI: 34.2
BMI Classification: Obese
(All weights are on my bathroom scale unless otherwise indicated.)
It's a long road ahead. But I have to focus on one step at a time.
Weight on 1/1/2006: 202.4 lbs.
Lifetime Peak (confirmed): 203.6 lbs.
Total Loss from Peak: -1.2 lbs.
Height: 5' 4.5"
BMI: 34.2
BMI Classification: Obese
(All weights are on my bathroom scale unless otherwise indicated.)
It's a long road ahead. But I have to focus on one step at a time.
Resolutions
Okay, here are some of my resolutions for 2006, in no particular order, big and mundane:
1. For the whole year -- lose at least the 30 pounds I gained in 2005.
2. Lose at least 15 pounds before my friend's wedding in DC in late April. That seems realistic for three-and-a-half months.
3. Exercise more -- get on a walking program. I'm going to try to go back to Gold's Gym to deal with walking in bad weather.
4. Keep up the good momentum I have going on at my job. Lay the groundwork for the inevitable transfer into something else -- because I know the job will not last forever regardless of how well I do in it.
5. Build upon the social network I started building the past couple of years.
6. Here's a big one -- walk a marathon. I'll write more about that goal later.
7. Clean up and organize my den.
8. Clean up and organize my kitchen pantry.
9. Use this blog to help me achieve the weight loss and exercise goals.
1. For the whole year -- lose at least the 30 pounds I gained in 2005.
2. Lose at least 15 pounds before my friend's wedding in DC in late April. That seems realistic for three-and-a-half months.
3. Exercise more -- get on a walking program. I'm going to try to go back to Gold's Gym to deal with walking in bad weather.
4. Keep up the good momentum I have going on at my job. Lay the groundwork for the inevitable transfer into something else -- because I know the job will not last forever regardless of how well I do in it.
5. Build upon the social network I started building the past couple of years.
6. Here's a big one -- walk a marathon. I'll write more about that goal later.
7. Clean up and organize my den.
8. Clean up and organize my kitchen pantry.
9. Use this blog to help me achieve the weight loss and exercise goals.
2005 In Review -- Good Year for My Life Overall, Bad Year for Weight
2005 -- My friend EB said that he was happy to see 2005 end. I understand why he thinks that -- he had a really rough year career-wise. However, I have mixed feelings about the end of 2005. I started off the year with a little romance with an older man. We had a lot of fun for a few months, but for a variety of reasons, the romance eventually fizzled. I missed the guy a little this week, but not with huge regret. As far as the "whole package" was concerned, he was not the guy for me in the long run. But he did have some good qualities I'd like to find in someone else -- most notably his good people skills and his optimism. So even though things didn't work out, it was a positive experience overall.
My career also leapt forward in 2005. I went through some moments of drive-you-crazy uncertainty for two months this fall, but I ended up with a great job with a lot more responsibility than I've ever had before. Though I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights on my first day, I quickly realized that this was the right job at the right time for me. Given the position's responsibility and the potential to influence public policy, I think I am right where I should be in my career. More importantly, though, I really like the job.
However, the romance and career concerns have taken a toll on my weight. I dared look up what I weighed a year ago. Though the dates don't all comport, etc, I can (unfortunately) say that I gained 30 pounds in 2005, exceeding 200 pounds for the first time in my life. But I'm optimistic about turning that around in the new year.
So thanks for an interesting year, 2005. Let's hope the new year is much better.
My career also leapt forward in 2005. I went through some moments of drive-you-crazy uncertainty for two months this fall, but I ended up with a great job with a lot more responsibility than I've ever had before. Though I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights on my first day, I quickly realized that this was the right job at the right time for me. Given the position's responsibility and the potential to influence public policy, I think I am right where I should be in my career. More importantly, though, I really like the job.
However, the romance and career concerns have taken a toll on my weight. I dared look up what I weighed a year ago. Though the dates don't all comport, etc, I can (unfortunately) say that I gained 30 pounds in 2005, exceeding 200 pounds for the first time in my life. But I'm optimistic about turning that around in the new year.
So thanks for an interesting year, 2005. Let's hope the new year is much better.
Happy New Year! Happy New Template!
It's 2006 -- and like so many other people, I'm trying to make the new year a "fresh start" with respect to my battle with my weight. So I'm making a fresh start on this blog, too -- I'm switching to a new template -- I'm tired of the pink/maroon stuff.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
It's been a weird month. . .
I've been in job limbo the whole time. After waiting for almost four weeks, I was told, without much explanation, that I was getting the original job I interviewed for, rather than the higher one I'd also been offered. I was told to expect the official offer in a week. When I didn't hear anything after a week and a half, I called again, and was told, again without much explanation, that I was being considered for both jobs again. After another week, I finally heard that I'm getting the higher level job again, but that wasn't what I considered the official word. After three business days of no official word, I called this morning, and though I haven't gotten the official "call," some people thought I was starting my new job tomorrow (the 16th). Even though it's late, I'm still thinking I might be starting work tomorrow. It's really crazy, and it has kept me on edge.
In the meantime, I got sick again. And now I'm getting over being sick a third time. The illness has been a little different each time. But now I'm taking an antibiotic, so hopefully it'll get better.
Haven't been too successful with the weight. I haven't gotten back to my high, but I was too chicken to weigh on a couple of days when I thought I might top it. (I ate a lot of pizza a week ago tonight.) And I haven't broken the 200 barrier. And between illness and weather I haven't been walking enough.
Okay, enough of that. Here's the Tuesday numbers: 200.8 lbs. on the bathroom scale. Total weight loss to date: 2.8 lbs.
In the meantime, I got sick again. And now I'm getting over being sick a third time. The illness has been a little different each time. But now I'm taking an antibiotic, so hopefully it'll get better.
Haven't been too successful with the weight. I haven't gotten back to my high, but I was too chicken to weigh on a couple of days when I thought I might top it. (I ate a lot of pizza a week ago tonight.) And I haven't broken the 200 barrier. And between illness and weather I haven't been walking enough.
Okay, enough of that. Here's the Tuesday numbers: 200.8 lbs. on the bathroom scale. Total weight loss to date: 2.8 lbs.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I'm up, I'm sick, but I got my walking in.
As I anticipated, I was up on the scale this morning to 202.0. Sigh. I've been a little better today, but mainly because I have cold symptoms and don't feel like eating anything. I have a runny nose and my head is feeling drained. But I walked! I got in 45 minutes, though my pace might have been a bit slower than normal. I thought being out in the 80 degree weather this afternoon would help how I felt, but I actually got more tired and sick feeling while I was doing it. But at least I got some exercise in.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
My Walking Challenge
Last week I looked at a website called http://www.thewalkingsite.com . I found it doing a Google/A9 search for "marathon walking" -- that's a far-off goal. However, they had just started a "Beginners Fall Walking Challenge," so I joined their group on Yahoo. They set a goal for each week. Last week the goal was walking four days out of week for 15 minutes each day. Since I had been walking intermittently before that, I usually walked 30-60 minutes, instead. But the challenge did discipline me into walking four days, and I made myself walk at times of the day when I might have otherwise shrugged it off.
This week, the goal is walking five days for at least 20 minutes each day. I've already completed two of the five days. (As you can see in a prior post, I even combined it with my errands.) Again, I made myself walk when I might not have otherwise, so I think it's been a good motivator for me thus far. Of course, it's helped that the weather here in Kentucky has been so beautiful. I'm not sure what the site's suggestion for walking in bad weather is. I'll have to look.
This week, the goal is walking five days for at least 20 minutes each day. I've already completed two of the five days. (As you can see in a prior post, I even combined it with my errands.) Again, I made myself walk when I might not have otherwise, so I think it's been a good motivator for me thus far. Of course, it's helped that the weather here in Kentucky has been so beautiful. I'm not sure what the site's suggestion for walking in bad weather is. I'll have to look.
A week after the peak . . .
It's been a week since the peak, and I'm down to 200.8 lbs. -- a loss of 2.8. I'm not as happy about that as I have been about prior weight losses because I'm still above 200. In other words, I haven't lost all the weight I put on nine days ago.
I went to Jenny Craig today for the first time since I went above 200 on my bathroom scale. I hit my high there. I'm not even sure what it was -- I didn't memorize it. I guess I'm more focused on my bathroom scale lately.
Unfortunately, I did not eat well today. After Jenny Craig, I went through the Pizza Hut express drive-thru near my house and got a personal pan pizza/breadstick combo. When I got home, I returned a call to my friend, "EB," who wanted to go to lunch at Moe's Southwest Grill because he had a coupon, and, well, he's unemployed right now. (As am I, still, but that's another post.) And it's a buy-one, get-one-free coupon. I said sure, let's go. I hadn't eaten the pizza yet, and considered putting it in the microwave. But, instead, for reasons I still don't completely understand, I chose complete decadence and ate the pizza before he arrived. INSANE, isn't it? I put the breadsticks in the microwave for later. And then I hid the other evidence from my friend by throwing it away. Eating in secret -- never healthy.
So when EB arrived, we decided to walk to Moe's because it was such a nice day. I knew I couldn't eat a burrito, but instead of trying a salad, I tried a quesadilla. It might be a little healthier than other quesadillas, but it didn't taste as good as I've had at other local restaurants. (No, I'm not including the Taco Bell one I had last week, but that one does have a decent sauce on it.) And I ate the colorful tortilla chips that came with it.
Amazingly, my stomach did not ache or explode. (I had not eaten anything before I went to Jenny Craig, so that might explain it.) We walked around the shopping center some more before going back to my house. I did a lot of physical chores around the house, nothing requiring too much exertion, but physically active nonetheless. Meanwhile, EB worked on my computer. After he left a few hours later, I had the breadsticks for "dinner." Then I walked for 3o minutes before walking to Meijer for a few items. Then I came back and snacked again. Ugh. I'm nervous about what will be on the scale tomorrow. . .
I went to Jenny Craig today for the first time since I went above 200 on my bathroom scale. I hit my high there. I'm not even sure what it was -- I didn't memorize it. I guess I'm more focused on my bathroom scale lately.
Unfortunately, I did not eat well today. After Jenny Craig, I went through the Pizza Hut express drive-thru near my house and got a personal pan pizza/breadstick combo. When I got home, I returned a call to my friend, "EB," who wanted to go to lunch at Moe's Southwest Grill because he had a coupon, and, well, he's unemployed right now. (As am I, still, but that's another post.) And it's a buy-one, get-one-free coupon. I said sure, let's go. I hadn't eaten the pizza yet, and considered putting it in the microwave. But, instead, for reasons I still don't completely understand, I chose complete decadence and ate the pizza before he arrived. INSANE, isn't it? I put the breadsticks in the microwave for later. And then I hid the other evidence from my friend by throwing it away. Eating in secret -- never healthy.
So when EB arrived, we decided to walk to Moe's because it was such a nice day. I knew I couldn't eat a burrito, but instead of trying a salad, I tried a quesadilla. It might be a little healthier than other quesadillas, but it didn't taste as good as I've had at other local restaurants. (No, I'm not including the Taco Bell one I had last week, but that one does have a decent sauce on it.) And I ate the colorful tortilla chips that came with it.
Amazingly, my stomach did not ache or explode. (I had not eaten anything before I went to Jenny Craig, so that might explain it.) We walked around the shopping center some more before going back to my house. I did a lot of physical chores around the house, nothing requiring too much exertion, but physically active nonetheless. Meanwhile, EB worked on my computer. After he left a few hours later, I had the breadsticks for "dinner." Then I walked for 3o minutes before walking to Meijer for a few items. Then I came back and snacked again. Ugh. I'm nervous about what will be on the scale tomorrow. . .
11:17pm -- P.S. After writing most of the last post, my browser froze up, and I thought I'd lost the whole post and the time I spent composing it. (While I realize this post is no great work of literature, I still would have been disappointed to have lost it.) Fortunately, however, I was able to recover the post when I logged back into Blogger with one click of the mouse. My opinion of Blogger has now increased. Thank you, tech guys!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
No, that wasn't the peak . . .
. . . the peak was yesterday. My nutso eating on Monday (especially some late night pasta) made me gain a pound on my bathroom scale -- a whopping 203.6 lbs.! But I did better foodwise yesterday. I had Jenny Craig meals for breakfast and lunch (silver dollar pancakes and pesto pizza, respectively), and I had a couple of Jenny Craig snacks (one more than you're supposed to have for one day), but I did not snack otherwise. For dinner I went to my parents' house, where Mom made tacos with Laura's Lean hamburger meat. I had three tacos (the shells were the normal, sort-of-small grocery store brand size). Then Mom and I walked for about 45-50 minutes in her neighborhood. I stayed at the house until ten in the evening.
As I drove home, however, I got hungry again. I hated the fact I was hungry, but I decided to satisfy it. In keeping with the night's Tex-Mex theme, I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru near my home and got a chicken quesadilla. Not the perfect choice, but not as much food as other items I frequently get at Taco Bell -- the Crunchwrap Supreme and 2 Chalupas. So I think the quesadilla was a reasoned choice for a drive-thru open past 10pm on a weeknight. It truly satisfied me, too. And I was not hungry the rest of the evening. I did have two glasses of wine after a friend came over, but the wine did not trigger any food cravings.
This morning, I was down 2.6 lbs. to 201.0. Yea! I know that yesterday I just exercised mild restraint rather than sticking to a true diet plan, but I still feel like it's a good "new" start. Now I just need to keep it up. Today it's been so far, so good -- I've had Jenny Craig's Sunshine Sandwich for breakfast and a Beef Chow Mein for lunch, and then I had two snacks again, but I'm going to try to hold off until dinner. I have errands to do, so that should keep me occupied.
As I drove home, however, I got hungry again. I hated the fact I was hungry, but I decided to satisfy it. In keeping with the night's Tex-Mex theme, I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru near my home and got a chicken quesadilla. Not the perfect choice, but not as much food as other items I frequently get at Taco Bell -- the Crunchwrap Supreme and 2 Chalupas. So I think the quesadilla was a reasoned choice for a drive-thru open past 10pm on a weeknight. It truly satisfied me, too. And I was not hungry the rest of the evening. I did have two glasses of wine after a friend came over, but the wine did not trigger any food cravings.
This morning, I was down 2.6 lbs. to 201.0. Yea! I know that yesterday I just exercised mild restraint rather than sticking to a true diet plan, but I still feel like it's a good "new" start. Now I just need to keep it up. Today it's been so far, so good -- I've had Jenny Craig's Sunshine Sandwich for breakfast and a Beef Chow Mein for lunch, and then I had two snacks again, but I'm going to try to hold off until dinner. I have errands to do, so that should keep me occupied.
Monday, October 10, 2005
God, I hope this is the peak . . .
Yes, I've had a terrible diet since I last posted. Life has changed significantly for me in the past few weeks. The day after my last post, I learned that my job was officially ending in two days. I knew my job would likely end soon -- actually, it was supposed to end back in August, but circumstances allowed me to hang on for an extra month. But then circumstances changed, and I couldn't postpone the inevitable. I consciously used the end of my job to eat and drink over the next few days, completely wrecking my latest surge of progress.
Since the end of my job I've been in a holding pattern. I left the job knowing I had a strong chance at getting one particular new job, then I got a better offer a few days later from the same organization. I'm really excited about the opportunity, but confirmation of that job appears to be stuck in some red tape. So I'm waiting . . . I meant to use my free time to get more exercise in. Some days are more successful than others, however.
I took time to visit and babysit my sister's kids last week, and did really well in part because my mom was there to "support" me (i.e., be there as my "monitor" me even though she doesn't realize that's how I use her in such circumstances). But I eliminated the progress I made this past weekend -- I actually surprised myself this morning with how much weight I had gained in just a couple of days. I'm at a new peak. I will say that I did have a nightshirt on, but I don't think it weighed that much, so I'm using today's weight as my new peak. Here's the scary number:
202.6 lbs.
AAAACCCKKKK!!!!
I've got to do something. I DID walk 30 minutes today. But I did NOT eat well. I had way too many calories. Don't know how many, but it was a lot of pasta, so I know it was too much. Now I feel too full and never want to eat again. Wish that feeling could last longer than overnight . . .
Since the end of my job I've been in a holding pattern. I left the job knowing I had a strong chance at getting one particular new job, then I got a better offer a few days later from the same organization. I'm really excited about the opportunity, but confirmation of that job appears to be stuck in some red tape. So I'm waiting . . . I meant to use my free time to get more exercise in. Some days are more successful than others, however.
I took time to visit and babysit my sister's kids last week, and did really well in part because my mom was there to "support" me (i.e., be there as my "monitor" me even though she doesn't realize that's how I use her in such circumstances). But I eliminated the progress I made this past weekend -- I actually surprised myself this morning with how much weight I had gained in just a couple of days. I'm at a new peak. I will say that I did have a nightshirt on, but I don't think it weighed that much, so I'm using today's weight as my new peak. Here's the scary number:
202.6 lbs.
AAAACCCKKKK!!!!
I've got to do something. I DID walk 30 minutes today. But I did NOT eat well. I had way too many calories. Don't know how many, but it was a lot of pasta, so I know it was too much. Now I feel too full and never want to eat again. Wish that feeling could last longer than overnight . . .
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